Hagee on cremation

John Hagee's comedy FAQ show continues on. This time with cremation!



Q. Is it wrong for a Christian to choose to be cremated?

A. Burial and cremation are personal choices;

So we’re done. The answer is “No.”

the Bible does not prescribe a particular method for disposing of bodies after death.

Still “No.”

However, Christians have historically followed the Jewish custom of burial, for several reasons.

So “Yes”, then?

First, it shows respect for our physical bodies, which are the creation of God. We are "fearfully and wonderfully made," the Bible says (Ps. 139:14).

Fear, a wonderful trait for any religion.

Jesus Himself chose to come to earth in a physical body just like ours, and He was resurrected in that same body.

As told in the clear contemporary documentation of…I’m sure it’s around here somewhere…

Lets see, Jesus was a big, important figure in first century religion. I’m sure there are lots of people who wrote about him at the time…

Rats.

No worries. I’ll keep looking!

Our bodies are also destined for resurrection;

Really?!? I thought that was reserved for “the Family”

our "natural" bodies will be gloriously transformed into "spiritual" bodies when the dead in Christ are raised (1 Cor. 15).

Sounds great!

At that time, when we receive our glorified bodies, it will not matter whether we were buried or cremated at death.

So we’re back to “No.” Your concision is amazing!

Many Christians who have perished in fires have been involuntarily cremated.

Clearly “No.”

Think of those believers who lost their lives in the collapse of the World Trade Center, for example.


“Randolph Scott!”

Most of the bodies were not recovered; the victims' remains were obliterated and their ashes scattered in the massive pile of rubble. It was humanly impossible to identify the dead, yet the God who created them can identify their bodies down to the last atom.

Cool! Just a side question – for the guy who had just clipped his fingernails before the planes hit, do those atoms count as still his? At what point do the atoms of someone’s spit stop being part of him and start being not his atoms anymore? I’m just asking.

And He will resurrect them "in the twinkling of an eye," exactly as He will those Christians whose bodies were buried and decomposed naturally.

So we’re back to “No.”. It seems odd to use 262 words just to say “No.”

Burial or cremation is a very personal choice.

Ah! A time honored tradition of school kids reaching a word requirement – repeat yourself unnecessarily.

You should discuss it with your closest family members before making a decision, so they will be comfortable in carrying out your decision and living with the memories.

Very good advice! It got really wordy in the middle and never really said “No, it’s not wrong”, so Johhny, you get a C+.

God needs money!

As the late, great George Carlin said: God needs money. Or at least that's what every church tells us, oddly enough. You'd think that anything God would need, he'd be able to provide himself, but apparently that's not the case. For proof of this, we turn to John Hagee's FAQ section

Q. I thought tithing was an Old Testament principle. Is it something Christians are supposed to practice? Will it guarantee me financial prosperity?

A. Giving to the

Church

Lord

God needs money?!?

is an important principle in

Making the church rich

both the Old and New Testaments, and obedience in tithing-which is giving one-tenth of your income-is a good place to start.

I’m sure it’s good for someone.

It is God who gives us the power to get wealth (Deut. 8:18), and He expects us to be good stewards of the resources He has placed in our hands.

Yep! Make sure that you’re getting your money’s worth. It is, after all, your money.

Jesus did not do away with tithing.

Certainly not! That would be silly.

On one occasion He lambasted the Pharisees and teachers of the law for their legalistic methods of giving. They scrupulously tithed 10 percent of even tiny spices like mint and dill while neglecting "the more important matters of the law-justice, mercy, and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter," Jesus told them, "without neglecting the former" (Matt. 23:23 NIV).
Money was an important part of Jesus' teaching.

Very much so! Mr. Christ is helping me set up an IRA and is working on finding the right no load Mutual Fund now. He’s a diva at it!

Of the 38 parables recorded in Scripture, 16 of them deal with money or possessions and how to manage them. The Lord advised us to invest our "treasures" in God's work, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matt. 6:21).
Investing in God's kingdom pays great dividends! If we give sparingly, we will reap sparingly, the Bible says; but if we sow generously, we will reap God's abundance (2 Cor. 9:6). God's word promises that if we're faithful to "bring all the tithes into the storehouse" [the church], He will pour out a blessing we can scarcely contain. On the other hand, if we don't tithe, we are robbing God. (Mal. 3:8-10)

How exactly do you steal from an omnipotent being? And what does he need money for again?

While God wants to prosper us,

“God wants to prosper us” - Huh?!? What does this even mean? It looks like English words, but I’m really not sure how to prosper someone.

true prosperity is not measured solely in dollars and cents.

Which is really, really important since they’re not giving you anything for that 10% of all your wealth that you’re forking over.

God has promised to meet all our needs (Phil. 4:19);

Except when He kills you

He has not promised to fund all our greeds.

Like housing, heat, food, those kinds of greedy things.

Your giving is a reflection of your priorities.

Horribly, terribly, mindmeltingly true.

When the things of God become your priority, your checkbook will prove it.

Very true again!

"So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver" (2 Cor. 9:6-7).

But keep the receipt for your taxes.

Hagee writes a fantasy novel!

Well, okay, it's an outline. And a bad outline from his Weekly Devotional at that.


“Witchcraft, sorcery, magic and idol worship have been around since the earliest days of man.

Oh boy! I love fantasy stories! I heard this one about a guy who could fly and bullets bounced off his chest and we wore a red “S” on his chest. That was a neat story!

They do indeed, pre-date Christianity, as we know it today—just as their practitioners like to point out with pride. But they do not pre-date, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob-the one who created the universe. They are, in fact, part of a rebellion against Him and His laws.” (WND Editor Joseph Farah)

Hmmm…the start of this one is a little flat. Maybe you could talk about the witch herself or introduce the evil force that she has to face. Or something about how the magic works in your fantasy world. That would be neat!

The church in America

America! So this is one of those alternate reality stories where witchcraft and magic exist. Those are great!

is getting used to the dark, not because the light doesn’t have the power any more, but because we haven’t turned on the light.

You’re losing readers here. This is both boring and confusing for a fantasy story.

The closing chapters of American history are being dominated by the prince of darkness.

Prince of Darkness! Okay, you got my attention again. He must be the bad guy.

Abortion…anarchy…homosexuality…pornography…drugs…alcohol…divorce…child abuse…suicide…rape…murder…incest…men love darkness rather than light, because their deeds are evil (John 3:19).

You really need to pick a topic for your book and stick with it. You seem to be lacking focus now.

We are surrounded by artificial illumination.

And bad plot development!

Education does not have the light. Education without God only produces intellectual barbarians. Hitler’s Nazis had Ph.D.’s and they threw live Jewish children into the ovens. They were absolutely brilliant, but they were barbarians.

So Nazis are the bad guys? Okay, it’s a bit hackneyed, but whatever.

The New Age movement does not have the light. This is not the dawning of a new era of light; this is the beginning of the new dark ages.

Whoa! You haven’t introduced this character to the readers yet. That’s just bad form.

Feminists do not have the light. The feminist movement is not about equality; it’s about control.

You’re losing focus and readers again! Check your plot outline, I’m sure you can do better!

Environmentalists do not have the light. Much of the ecology movement is not about saving the environment; it’s about nature worship. There is a difference between Mother Earth and Father God. The earth is the Lord’s…the earth is not Lord.

Or perhaps you can’t.

The occult does not have the light. Reading your horoscope is not a harmless diversion; it is witchcraft. Isaiah says, “…Let now the astrologers, the stargazers, the monthly prognosticators, stand up, and save thee form these things that shall come upon thee. Behold, they shall be as stubble; the fire shall burn them; they shall not deliver themselves from the power of the flame…” (Isa.47: 13,14).

The occult! That would be the people in your fantasy world who can actually do the witchcraft and magic you talked about earlier, right?

We’re getting used to the dark. There is a slow, subtle, sinister brainwashing process

True! Except for the slow and subtle parts.

going on whereby we are gradually being desensitized to the dark. What the church is calling broad-minded tolerance, is merely peaceful coexistence with evil.

Another new character, the church! Since they’re coexisting with evil, does that make this character a good guy or a bad guy? I’m confused.

There is no fellowship between light and darkness.

Conflict! Excellent! This story might just yet be saved.

When the world wants you to be “broad-minded” and tolerant,” what they actually want is for you to crucify your conscience and compromise with their evil.

Me? But I don’t live in a fantasy world where witchcraft and magic actually work! Who are you talking to exactly?

Our job is to turn on the light. But too many Christians suffer from photophobia-they are afraid of the light.

Spooky and indistinct. That’s great for the narrator!

They are so fearful of being offensive that they are not effective. They would rather grieve the Holy Spirit than grieve the fat cats who control their churches financially.

Now it’s just confusing. Okay, you’ve got a good cast of characters, a nice make believe world where magic works in some unspecified way, and the groundwork for some nice conflict that can eventually be resolved.

I’ll give you a B- on this outline. Go back to your plot development and tighten it up a lot, don’t jump to the middle of your main ideas before you introduce the characters, and focus on the foreshadowing. Right now it feels like you’re in a rush to tell the readers everything about your story – especially all that stuff about various characters not having the light – and not giving them the background details.

But keep working on it! If you do so, I know that someday your work will be worth reading!

More fun from the FAQ!

Continuing this week's series on wacky Johns, here's another installment of the Revving John Hagee's FAQ page!
Today's episode: Healing



Q. Does God really heal diseases today? How can I be healed?

A. Absolutely!

Undoubtedly! Completely! Except that he doesn’t.

God's healing power has never diminished,

Completely true.

and divine health is His desire for us.

Which is why he made all those wonderful diseases for us to get!

One of the descriptive names of God in the Bible is Jehovah Rophe, which means, "The God Who Heals."
Scripture is full of examples of the healing power of Jesus.

So full of them that you’d think that someone else at the time would have mentioned it in passing. Somewhere.

While He walked this earth, He healed the lame, the blind, the sick, and the deaf. He healed one-on-one and He healed en masse. The Bible says that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever" (Heb. 13:8). He is still the Great Physician.

And I hear that he’s an ace at Blackjack, too!

Furthermore, His power resides in us as believers.

Which neuron exactly do I have to fire in order to unlock this mystical power?

The gospels specify that Jesus delegated His healing power to the twelve disciples (Matt. 10:1; Luke 9:1). Luke states that an additional seventy disciples were commissioned to preach the gospel and heal diseases (10:1-9).

Woot!

And Jesus did not intend for them to stop healing the sick after His resurrection and ascension.

Yeah, that would’ve been rude.

In fact, He told the disciples that after He returned to heaven, they would do even "greater works" than their Master (John 14:12).


Which is true…from a certain point of view

As part of the Great Commission-Jesus' final instructions to the original Twelve as well as disciples throughout the ages-He said that certain "signs will follow those who believe: In My name . . . they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover" (Mark 16: 17-18). This "laying on of hands" in prayer for the sick was practiced by the early church (James 5:14-15), and it has been the custom of believers ever since.

Which explains why faith healing has withstood all of the rigorous observation and testing that has been done on it!

If you need healing, ask the elders of your church to anoint you with oil and pray for you according to the biblical pattern. Or ask other believers in your Sunday School class or home Bible study to pray with you. If you have no Christian support, call our Prayerline at 210-491-5100 or click here to send Prayer Request online and ask for prayer. One of our staff members or trained volunteers will be glad to pray for you and help you have faith for healing. Every month we share testimonies in our magazine and on our website from people who have been healed by a touch from God. You can be healed too!

Or you could go to a doctor. Your call.

Prayer should be a Christian's first response to sickness,

Before seeing a doctor?

but too many believers use prayer as a last resort. Instead of running to the Great Physician, they run to the medicine cabinet in search of pills or vitamins or other remedies.

Given to them by those wacky doctors. What do they know anyway?

I'm a firm believer in medicine and doctors,

Really?!? It doesn’t sound like it.

and I'm thankful for their healing ministry.

Umm, just to let you in on a little secret – it’s called a clinic or a hospital. Ministries are for a different profession entirely.

But when I am sick, my ultimate reliance is on the God who made me.

If only that was true. Sigh.

Faith is the key to divine health and healing.

If you weren’t healed, it’s all your fault.

Remember, your faith should not be placed in the person who prays for you.

Having faith isn’t enough. It has to be put in the right place, after all.

That person is just a vessel used by God, and a frail little gray-headed prayer warrior in your church can be just as effective as some big-name healing evangelist.

And he’s certainly a better bargain!

That's because the proper object of your faith is Jehovah Rophe, the God Who Heals.

And he’s having a special today!

Release your faith and receive your healing today.

No warranty expressed or implied.

Hagee on abortion

The Rev. John Hagee gives us his insights on abortion from his FAQ section. Yes, this is not an off the cuff answer, but rather the standard response he gives to everyone.


Q. Abortion is legal, but is it morally wrong? What about abortion in cases of rape or incest?

A. That no one should have the right to take the life of the unborn has been a principle of medicine from ancient times.

Really?!? I seem to have missed the great debates on this one in the Roman senate. And I’m missing the part where – and this might be some small bit of importance – we could actually abort a pregnancy in ancient times without insane risk to the woman.

If you want to make stuff up out of whole cloth, you really need to do better than this.

The Hippocratic Oath, first formulated as a sworn rule of conduct for doctors and physicians in ancient Greece some 2,400 years ago,

So you’re swearing to Apollo, Asclepius, Hygieia, and Panacea now? You might want to stick with your religion. I hear that your god is a jealous god.

says, "I will give no deadly medicine to any one if asked, nor suggest such counsel; and in a like manner I will not give a woman a pessary to induce an abortion."

Good council! We have much better, safer, and easier ways to have abortions now. It’s all about that march of scientific progress.

Even then, four hundred years before the birth of Christ, people were clamoring for euthanasia and wanting to kill their unborn babies.

Yep, especially women who were raped.

If Hippocrates-a pagan physician who believed in all sorts of mythological gods and goddesses

Which is, of course, much worse than simply believing in one mythological god

-knew that it was wrong to take a life, what defense do we have today after the intervening two millennia of research and learning?

Is this a trick question? As stated, we have 2,000 years of understanding, progress, and abilities that Hippocrates did not have, a far better understanding of what life actually is, and far, far better ways to make choices about childbirth than a young girl failing to be able to run away from a marauding barbarian rapist.

When it comes to abortion, I believe God is pro-life.

Tell that to all the people who weren’t on Noah’s Ark.

Let me demonstrate that in Scripture.

Please do! It won’t mean a thing since that’s a made up book of stories, but it’s fun to watch you thrash about in it!

Speaking through Moses, God told his people: "I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live" (Deut. 30:19).

A clear quote directly talking about unborn children, obviously.

God created us as free moral agents, with the capacity to choose our course of action.

So God is Pro-Choice then!

But He certainly gave us explicit direction for making wise choices: "Choose life."

Again…he wants us to be able to choose!

The Bible places great value on children. They are the "heritage" of the Lord, His "reward" (Ps. 127:3).

Absolutely. It’s tough to brainwash other people’s kids, so it’s better to have your own.

The Bible also makes it clear that a child's life is to be protected, even while the child is in the mother's womb. Among the ancient Hebrews, penalties were prescribed against a person who injured a pregnant woman and thereby caused her to miscarry (Ex. 21:22-23).

Just like the abortion laws today.

God's Word says that if you hurt a pregnant woman and she loses the baby, you have to pay a penalty-not because it was a "blob of tissue," as abortion proponents would have us believe, but because it was a living human being.

Either that or the ancient goat herders who wrote the bible had never heard of genetics, modern abortion techniques, and accepted massive infant mortality rates as common.

Furthermore, God knows us, and even speaks to us, while we are in the womb. God called both Isaiah and Jeremiah to be prophets while they were still in the womb (Isa. 49:1, 5; Jer. 1:4-5). Would God name and ordain a meaningless blob? That unborn child in the womb is not a blob of flesh but a life sophisticated enough to have a relationship with God Almighty!

Judging from the sophistication of this argument, I’d say that you’ve set the bar way, way too low.

It is tempting to rationalize abortion in dire circumstances, such as pregnancy resulting from rape or incest. Statistically, such pregnancies are very rare.

True. But when rape or incest actually happen, rape or incest is 100% common.

If pregnancy does occur, the woman's trauma and guilt

Guilt?!? For being raped?!?

should not be compounded by the taking of innocent human life.

Rather we should torture a poor girl for her entire life by forcing her to raise a rapists’ child.

Abortion does not solve the problem of violence or abuse-it increases the problem.

Removing a woman’s decisions does not help her life, it destroys it.

We should punish the criminal, not the victim.

Agreed! Please start by not punishing the victim. That might help!

God performing supernatural powers? Don't be silly!

Another day, another bizarre set of claims from John Hagee's FAQ section!


Q. Why is Bible prophecy so important? And what do you mean when you talk about the "rapture" of the church?

A. Prophecy

The art of making religious predictions that fail scientific analysis

is important because such a significant amount of Scripture is devoted to it: about one-quarter of the Bible was prophetic when it was written.

I’m dying to know what the definition of prophecy is now

Bible prophecy proves beyond any reasonable doubt that God knows and controls the future,

And writes fortune cookies, too!

and the fact that He included so much prophecy in His Word shows that He wants us to understand the things to come.

There’s an easier way for an all-knowing god to do that – make unambiguous statements like “automobiles will replace horses as the primary means of transportation in the 20th century” or “John Wooden will lead UCLA to seven straight NCAA basketball championships”. Please provide these from the bible!

Most of the events prophesied in Scripture have already come to pass, but some remain to be fulfilled at a later date, including the Rapture of the Church.

Including such specific claims as “Israel will ultimately prevail over its enemies" and "God will never forget the children of Israel"

While the term rapture is not used in the New Testament, the concept of a "catching away" is vividly described. It refers to a future event when the church-all members of the body of Christ, past and present-will be reunited with Jesus.

The door is that-a-way folks! Feel free to mosey on to Jesus. It’s been a slice!

First Thessalonians says, "For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ [Christians who have died] will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord" (4:16-18; see also 1 Cor. 15:51-52).

Pretty stirring stuff coming out of those ancient goat herders! Bravo!

When will this take place? Although no one knows the day or the hour,

Which makes it one of the all time worst predictions ever. Seriously, what bookie would take that kind of bet?

“I’d like to bet $50 that Duke will win”

“Okay! I’ve got you down for $50 that Duke will win today”

“No! Not necessarily today. They’ll win…someday. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But they’ll win! I’m sure of it.”

the Bible describes the time period immediately preceding. I have written extensively about why I believe that the generation that is alive today will see the mass ingathering of believers commonly called the Rapture.

That might have something to do with whipping them into a religious frenzy whereupon they’ll hand you large chunks of money. I’m just saying.

The Bible says that as they did when Noah was building the ark, people on earth will be conducting their daily affairs, eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, buying and selling, right up to the moment of His return.

Just like they’re doing….right now! Wow! I’m convinced!

And just as God set apart His chosen ones by placing Noah and his family into the ark for safe-keeping, He will remove his Church from the seven years of tribulation that will follow the Rapture.

That’s it? The big key to know that the rapture is coming is that people are conducting their normal daily affairs?

The Rapture will also protect the church from Satan's ultimate delusion. (See 2 Thess. 2:9-12.) Jesus prophesied that before His return there would be many false messiahs and false christs (Matt. 24:23). Think about it. Anyone can stand up and say, "I am Jesus."

Too bad no one did 2000 years ago.

Anyone can wear a white robe and claim to be the descendant of King David.

And look mah-velous!

Anyone can place surgical scars in his hands and feet.

As opposed to wrists and ankles where people who are actually crucified are nailed.

How can you tell the real from the false Jesus?

Dilemmas! Dilemmas!

Not by dramatic displays of supernatural power.

Exactly. Don’t require our supernatural deities to perform supernatural acts. That would be silly!

Remember this: a man with supernatural power is not necessarily from God; the devil has supernatural power too, as do his demons.

* Begin Monty Python skit *
Run away! Run away!

So how will you know when the real Jesus comes to earth? I'll know Jesus has reappeared when my glorified body sails through the heavens past the Milky Way into the presence of God.

How about this afternoon? Does that work for you?

I'll know I'm with the real Jesus

That you can’t identify from the fake ones

when I stand in His glorious presence

When he’s, of course, showing no supernatural powers

with my brand new

And under warranty!

disease-proof,

Or your money back!

never-dying,

Because you’re already dead. Tricksies!

fatigue-free body!

You go, girl!

God doesn't know the future

John Hagee has important tips on prayer in his FAQ section


Q. How important is prayer? Doesn't God already know what we need?

A. As powerful as God is, He cannot answer prayers until they are prayed.

That seems like an odd limitation on an omniscient being!

Prayer is the key that unlocks the storehouses of God's grace and power.

Without it, God is powerless!!! Muahahahahahaha!

Prayer is not a matter of overcoming God's reluctance,

Of course not. You’ll never overcome that!

and it is not a means of sending God to run your errands.

God, this latte is cold! Fetch me another one!

Many people consider prayer a form of divine insurance or a game of chance-heaven's version of Let's Make a Deal.

“Would you like what’s behind Door #1, Door #2, or Door #3?”

“Door #3, Jesus! Please give me Door #3!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. That’s the damned to eternal torment door. Step right this way.”

…Yeah, I see your point. That would be a bummer.

It's not that at all.

Whew! That’s good. I never figured that Jesus looked like Monty Hall.

Prayer is submitting to the purposes of God. Find out what God wants and pray for that.

And supposing to know the purpose of God is arrogance! So prayer is arrogance! Got it!

When you meet God's conditions

Which will become clear to you after eating these brownies

in prayer, you get an answer every time.

Which explains why all the controlled studies on the subject agree whole-heartedly with this claim!

Realize that there are three possible answers: yes, no, and wait.

Vegas calls this “hedging your bet”.

Of course, we don't want to hear two of those answers, because we hate to wait on anything.

Especially on that terminal illness. We’re picky that way.

America is the land of fast cars and fast food, instant potatoes and instant coffee. But Isaiah said, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength" (40:31).

Except when he doesn’t.

Through prayer, you can tap into the supernatural world,

And feel like you’re doing something when you’re not!

and you can pray with intelligence that goes beyond the knowledge of man.

Clearly

Romans 8:26 says that when we don't know how to pray, the Holy Spirit helps us and makes intercession for us.

Yay! And here I was worried that there’d be a test.

I have learned to pray with a legal pad close by. When I finish telling God what's on my mind, I listen to see what's on His mind-and I write it down.

God obviously needs a secretary

What He tells me when I shut up and listen is what gives birth to every sermon I preach and every book I write.

In addition to those brownies!

If you want to hear from God-and He does want to talk to you-then don't just bombard heaven with a laundry list of requests. Pour your heart out to God, then take time to listen. It will revolutionize your life.

You too could become an obese, adulterous, million dollar a year televangelist! Yay!

Hagee on suffering

Recently a couple of things happened. First, Senator John McCain rejected the endorsement from John Hagee on the grounds that he's a religious nutcase and only morons and a particular rare species of Austrailian seaweed would consider an endorsement from Mr. Hagee to be a good thing. Second, a friend of mine had a direct experience with the bizarre claims and activities of Mr. Hagee.

So I took a wander over to Hagee's website to find out what all the hub-bub was about. It didn't take long. This was found in the FAQ section. As with all commentaries here, the original article is in bold. My commentary is not.

Q. Are suffering and sickness a sign that a Christian lacks faith or has sin in their life? Why are some people healed and not others?
Could it be that some people send thousands of dollars to tele-ministries and some people don’t? Nah, that’s not it!

A. It is certainly possible that a Christian may go through problems or become ill because of sin or disobedience.
Those evil sickos!

Sickness can also result from not taking care of our bodies, or it can be a response to stress or worry. But sometimes illnesses, or various trials and difficulties, strike precisely because we are in the center of God's will and Satan wants to derail us.
There will be a test on this, so pay attention. All good things come from God. All evil things come from Satan. I realize that this is a hard concept, so it will be repeated. Constantly.

Please pay no attention to God’s omniscience and omnipotence.

Overcoming struggles is at the heart of the Christian life.
And we here provide for that by giving your wallets a further struggle to overcome! Hallelujah!

The Bible teaches that we should not be surprised by suffering. "Dear friends," Peter wrote the church, "do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed" (1 Peter 4:12 NIV).
Correct! No surprise that the omniscient and omnipotent God allows suffering

In spite of that clear teaching, some preachers give the impression that if you're truly living by faith, you won't experience suffering or sickness, or that if you do, God is obligated to deliver you and heal you. That's not a reasonable position to take.
True! I mean God can’t be everywhere for everyone at all times! What were we thinking?!?

There are two extremes to the faith message.
Yes. Yes, there really are.

Some preach that God never heals, which is dead wrong. Others preach that God heals every time, which is also wrong. God responds to our faith, but there is no "magic formula" that insures God will answer our prayers exactly as we want.
So how do we tell this from pure, unadulterated random chance?

God is not a cosmic bellhop that we can command to do our will. The purpose of prayer is to change us so that we want to do His will.
Either that or give us something to do when it’s already all hit the fan.

At Cornerstone Church we always pray in faith for the sick, believing it is God's general will that we live in divine health.
What’s your evidence for this assumption?

However, we do not always know His specific will for a person at a particular time.
Shouldn’t that be “we never know His will for any person at any time”? Otherwise that would be presumption of the highest order, right?

So sometimes God does not heal a person, even when that person prays in genuine faith.
He killed Kenny!!!

God is sovereign, and He acts according to His purposes-which we do not always know in advance.
So does a random number generator, strangely enough.

What we do know is that God works everything together for good in the life of a believer (Rom. 8:28), that He has ordained a divine purpose for us, and that he works everything out according to His eternal plan (Eph. 1:11).
What a guy!

Sometimes it is the people with great faith who face the most suffering. Smith Wigglesworth witnessed mighty miracles of God's power in his healing crusades. Yet he would go home and roll on the floor in pain from kidney stones. The apostle Paul worked many miracles and successfully prayed for multitudes of people to be healed. Yet Paul himself was never healed of a physical malady he referred to as his "thorn in the flesh" (2. Cor. 12:7-10). The apostle prayed earnestly, but God did not remove this sickness from him. Instead, God's greatness was made all the more manifest in Paul's weakness.
This really makes me wonder what kind of suffering would someone have to go through or not go through to disprove this belief in supernatural healing:

Devout believer doesn’t get healed = God’s greatness made all the more manifest

Devout believer gets healed = God mercifully answering his prayers

Non-devout person doesn’t get healed = person didn’t have faith in God and thus didn’t get healed

Non-devout person gets healed = God has a plan that we don’t understand.

It looks like every result leads to the same conclusion. Odd!