God needs money!

As the late, great George Carlin said: God needs money. Or at least that's what every church tells us, oddly enough. You'd think that anything God would need, he'd be able to provide himself, but apparently that's not the case. For proof of this, we turn to John Hagee's FAQ section

Q. I thought tithing was an Old Testament principle. Is it something Christians are supposed to practice? Will it guarantee me financial prosperity?

A. Giving to the

Church

Lord

God needs money?!?

is an important principle in

Making the church rich

both the Old and New Testaments, and obedience in tithing-which is giving one-tenth of your income-is a good place to start.

I’m sure it’s good for someone.

It is God who gives us the power to get wealth (Deut. 8:18), and He expects us to be good stewards of the resources He has placed in our hands.

Yep! Make sure that you’re getting your money’s worth. It is, after all, your money.

Jesus did not do away with tithing.

Certainly not! That would be silly.

On one occasion He lambasted the Pharisees and teachers of the law for their legalistic methods of giving. They scrupulously tithed 10 percent of even tiny spices like mint and dill while neglecting "the more important matters of the law-justice, mercy, and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter," Jesus told them, "without neglecting the former" (Matt. 23:23 NIV).
Money was an important part of Jesus' teaching.

Very much so! Mr. Christ is helping me set up an IRA and is working on finding the right no load Mutual Fund now. He’s a diva at it!

Of the 38 parables recorded in Scripture, 16 of them deal with money or possessions and how to manage them. The Lord advised us to invest our "treasures" in God's work, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matt. 6:21).
Investing in God's kingdom pays great dividends! If we give sparingly, we will reap sparingly, the Bible says; but if we sow generously, we will reap God's abundance (2 Cor. 9:6). God's word promises that if we're faithful to "bring all the tithes into the storehouse" [the church], He will pour out a blessing we can scarcely contain. On the other hand, if we don't tithe, we are robbing God. (Mal. 3:8-10)

How exactly do you steal from an omnipotent being? And what does he need money for again?

While God wants to prosper us,

“God wants to prosper us” - Huh?!? What does this even mean? It looks like English words, but I’m really not sure how to prosper someone.

true prosperity is not measured solely in dollars and cents.

Which is really, really important since they’re not giving you anything for that 10% of all your wealth that you’re forking over.

God has promised to meet all our needs (Phil. 4:19);

Except when He kills you

He has not promised to fund all our greeds.

Like housing, heat, food, those kinds of greedy things.

Your giving is a reflection of your priorities.

Horribly, terribly, mindmeltingly true.

When the things of God become your priority, your checkbook will prove it.

Very true again!

"So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver" (2 Cor. 9:6-7).

But keep the receipt for your taxes.